I hit a midlife crisis in my 40s, although I did not know it at the time. A midlife crisis can be summed up as living your life a certain way with exceedingly growing unhappiness. As you become older, you realize you are not living the life of your dreams.
To many people this means making changes, usually in the form of material items that bring momentary satisfaction. Yes, I even bought the proverbial red sports car. I handled my unhappiness in the wrong way. I was looking for something external to make me happy and did not look within at that time.
Other people and our happiness
I do want to talk briefly about happiness. Happiness is an inside job; we are aware of this. No one can make us happy for long, if we are not happy inside. However, this does not take away the fact that there are people and situations that can and do bring us unhappiness.
Sometimes people that are currently in our life do not fit on the path of where we really want to be. To be perfectly frank, most of the time, these people do not even want to be on our path with us. They only want us to be walking their path. This will eventually wear at our happiness if we are living and heading in a direction that just does not feel right.
Here are 2 life changing, scary things that I overcame in my late 40s:
1. My relationship. It turns out, I was not the only one going through a midlife crisis; my spouse was too. We were two unhappy people in a relationship that had not changed with us.
Like many marriages, we had neglected our love and our relationship with each other for kids and careers. As life shaped and changed us and we became older, we had found we had not grown together. We no longer really knew each other.
We separated to see what was inside of us and see if we would be happier. During this time, I read a lot of books on self-improvement. The take away from all of them was my mental thinking. I had to admit, most of my thoughts were about what I didn’t like, want, or what made me unhappy. The theory behind these books was that we create our reality in our minds first.
I began to train myself to think different thoughts. When a negative thought came up, I would ask myself if that was how I wanted my life to be. If it was not, I changed my thoughts to what I wanted.
I concentrated on how I wanted to feel about myself and how I wanted others to feel about me. I concentrated on just appreciating the people in my life, especially my spouse, instead of focusing on what made me unhappy about them.
In a short amount of time, I had new confidence and my spouse and I decided to get to know each other together. I shared what I had been doing and my spouse began to do the same. Today, our life together and love is so great, I never could have imagined it to be so exciting and wonderful.
2. My job. I went to college and chose a career I was interested in at the time and one that I thought would make the money I needed. I really thought long and hard about how my job fit into my life now.
I had changed so much over the years that my job was no longer a fit for me. It was stable and it was scary to even think about giving up that security. I was at a point in my life that I wanted happiness more than anything.
I began to figure out what I wanted to do. I looked back at the dreams I had as a kid to see if any of them still held a spark for me. One did. I began to pursue that path.
I used my mental thinking to begin working in that childhood dream job and further concentrated on the type of money I needed to make to feel happy. Within 15 months, I was doing just that and making the type of money I wanted.
Making changes in midlife is very scary. It requires us to have faith and to work hard. I can say the hardest thing I have ever done in life was to correct my own thought patterns. I did have to let go of what did not make me happy so I could make room for the things that did.
Once I was able to conquer my habitual thoughts, I began to take action and move towards what I wanted. Now, I live a life that is happy.
I now feel happy internally and live an externally happy life. I live my life with a renewed sense of awe and inspiration. Whatever I have been able to achieve with creating a happy life, you can too; no matter what your situation.